The title of this entry is from a Frankie Bones song 5-10 years ago, and I was reminded of it when someone on CNN radio (no video at work) mentioned how our troops are the best equipped & trained in the world. Interesting trivia: sometime in 1989, Frankie Bones helped put on some big underground raves in the Eastern US. At one of these, he made a rousing, inspirational speech that advocated (amongst other things) Peace, Love, Unity, and Respect. This is technically the origin of the raver greeting "PLUR."

I hate this white box, I have so many ideas to write about and then I see this empty white box and I forget my own damned name. I got way behind on diaries, and now I'm up to the letter J, but I've already read plenty to respond to. I've also realized that I have a lot more in common with Chad, Jonah, and DJ than I previously thought, which is cool. But I also realized that what I think I share with Chad is different from Jonah, which is different from what I share with DJ. And I'm too lazy to use email to personally respond to diary entries, so it all goes here.

I realized a short while ago that I had forgotten that Doeden lives at least partially in Ames. I should call that buttpirate sometime when he's not having fun in the sun, now that I'm 21. (Shit, that rhymed.)

Chad seems to suffer from many of the insecurity issues that I do, yet I still think we both rock. Still unknown why we can't get chicks, or friends. I also feel like I've forgotten how to make friends. Maybe that would be helped if I was an active member of large groups with a common interest, like going to class. I think I share a lot of other views with Chad, too, like the bit about prisons--I totally favor rehabilitation over incarceration. Same thing with Jonah, except that he should realize why people are passionate about certain things, such as war--it's because they are mildly interested in something, and then try to become informed about it. Jonah doesn't seem to ever be even midlly interested in anything, but if he is, he doesn't research it at all.

Well, I went to a rave last Saturday and helped set it up on the Friday previous. Moral of the story? Promoters, or at least this one, are FUCKED UP. But the crew was awesome, and the vibe was moderate.

No more random thoughts for now, I may be in CF later tonight, but we'll see.

Today is my sister's birthday. She had finished a 40 and was on her 2nd post-40 beer by 1 p.m. I think I should be worried by this, but I'm not. Maybe that's because on my birthday (March 9) I'll be pissed at myself if I'm not drunk within an hour of waking up. What other good are 21st birthdays, anyways?

I am lonely. My roommate and 2 of his friends went home (Omaha) for the weekend, and took Gizmo (Jon claims he's his dog, bu whose bed is he in at night? That's right, The Posp is the mad neutered-dog pimp!) with him. So not only are there no other mammals (that I know of...) in my house, but the people I want to hang out with are all gone. To boot, I have a Saturday night off for the first time in a very long time, and I have no idea what I can do for fun. I could go to the bars with some acquaintances, but my fake is of poor quality and I really don't want to get arrested for underage drinking less than a month and a half before my 21st birthday. Plus, I'm trying to keep myself from the bars until my birthday, so I will appreciate my newfound ability to drink legally in a bar even more.

Enough with the alcoholic talk; I've already gotten sick of reading everyone else's diary entries about drinking. Now where's my blunt-smokin' bros & hos, talking about how high they are in their diaries? Oh. I'm the only one. I'm right here. Damn. Anyways, for over 2 weeks now, the bones in my left foot feel as if they're rubbing together, pinching a nerve, or just causing sharp pain, or all three at once. I believe this is called tarsal tunnel syndrome--the foot version of carpal tunnel--and it's really a bitch to even walk and especially run. How did I inflict this upon myself? Well, I like to play lots of Dance Dance Revolution for hours on end, but maybe 10 hours in 2 days was a bit much. So now I have to live without my glorious cheesy dance music game. >:( Make me better!

I am moving to a new place on or around February 1, and it is pretty kickass. It's just a fairly nice one-bedroom (With a pool view!!) for $500, most utils included, which is one of the better deals I found in Ames. My new address will be:

135 Dotson Dr. #A5

Ames, IA 50014-7642

I'm excited; I've never lived in apartment that has a letter!

In other news, I'm still sexually frustrated and the only girls that I have a crush on are either not showing (enough) interest in me for me to feel comfortable showing any interest (I think this is a vicious cycle trying to tell me to act like I "have a pair") or live far enough away that I know it couldn't work. Damn.

This is really starting to bother me. Recently I had been feeling fairly self-confident and pleased with who I was becoming. More recently, however, I've been noticing that I have very few "real" friends--people that I can truly confide in. My roommate, Jon, and I are pretty tight, but he's kind of closed-minded in some ways and his values are way different from mine. Plus he's never liked controlled substances at all. So I always end up feeling (correctly, I think) like I have no one to really talk to, and that sucks.

And couples are everywhere. They're so cute, holding hands and kissing. And whenever I see a guy with a girl and he isn't treating her like a princess, I think to myself "She could do way better than him--like me!" But fuck and alas, thinking doesn't get me very far. I've always held this idea in my head that as long as I'm not trying to actively seek out and meet women, I'll eventually find someone with mutual interests who I can fall in love with. But my eternal optimism is waning, as it's been over a year and a half since I was involved in any kind of relationship and 5 months (I think) since I've had any kind of sexual contact with a girl. This is by far my worst dry spell ever. I keep on thinking that maybe I'm really not all that interesting or intriguing, but then my ego kicks in and tells me that I'm a dynamic, sensitive, funny, friendly guy with varied interests and any girl should feel butterflies just thinking of how well I'd treat her. But I refuse to give up, as odds are likely that I'll have sex again before I die, hopefully within the next 5 months. Even if I have to pay for it! OK, I lied.

Anyways, thanks for reading this far and listening to my senseless babble. I have nowhere else to talk, my few friends are gone, and I just spent nearly my entire 6-hour shift catching up on all of your diaries and making this entry.

Love, hugs, and drugs (to make you happy/to make you ill/to make you like you/to make you hate you/or worst, just to make you you)

Mark

I should be back in CF this evening. I know I'm gonna be looking for something to do probably tonight and tomorrow afternoon/evening--I can only spend so much time with the family. So, if you also want to do something, you can call or text message me on my cell phone:

Aight, here's the dilly: Click on the picture of my cell phone number, type it in, and type in your message in the box. I can't tell who it's from, though, so put your number somewhere in the message. I figure I'll look like an asshole if people are with their families and I call them wanting to hang out, so it's better if YOU call ME.

...because I had to hold down a very strong dog while he was getting his toenails clipped. He is not a big fan of having his toenails clipped, or so it would seem as judged by his frenzied attempts to kick, head-butt, and nearly dismember a more frail person than I.

Now, here's the part where it gets fun. Do you get a lot of spam? Do you enjoy it? No? Me either. There's a guy who proclaims himself "The King of Spam" named Alan Ralsky. This article tells us a little more about this asshole. Apparently a bunch of smart slashdotters were able to get the address of his new house "that spam built," quite literally. Here's an article that details exactly what happens when pissed-off geeks find out the address of a man responsible for around 40% of all spam. You, too, can write him or sign him up for free catalogs! Direct all correspondence to:

Alan Ralsky

6747 Minnow Pond Dr.

West Bloomfield, MI 48322

If you really loved me, you'd email me. Buy a gyro!

*sigh*

I went back to CF Wednesday evening and left for Ames again Friday afternoon. I had a great time with my family, but most of my plans included being home until Saturday or Sunday so I could hang out with my friends. Unfortunately, they either didn't want to hang out with me, had alternate plans, or didn't answer their phone/return my call. That disappoints me, but I suppose it's about time I moved on past most of my high school friends. I'll always have a connection to those people, but with the exception of a few, it will never be the same. On the other hand, there are those who I came back to and everything seemed as I left it, even though everything is so different. ::end oxymoron::

So, basically, I was pissed that I didn't get to hang out with Bree/Kevin, Andrea, Spencer/Carl/Brendel, DJ, Willy P, etc...

Goddamnit Chad! Why did you password-protect your diary? Smallz, you update way too fucking much; it's almost as hard for me to keep up with you as it is for me to keep up with slashdot (warning: way nerdy link). I really miss a lot of people right now, especially you crazy diary kids...I know more about you guys than most of my "real-life" friends.

"Just ask Bill Gates--"

"Yeah, I know the homie Snoop."

I'm disappointed that I didn't spend $40 and go see Snoop tonight in Cedar Rapids, but he's sold out a lot. Nothing more interesting to say. End transmission, email me I promise to read it.

Lead-in to this story: Earlier this spring, I got into an accident with my car that tore off my front bumper, making it impossible for me to put a front license plate on until I have lots of $$ to get it fixed.

Where I work, at ISUNet, our weekday shifts are 8-12, 12-4, and 4-8. But because we're short staffed and I have an 11:00 class, I work 12:30-4 on Wednesdays and Fridays.

Now on to our feature presentation. I often have some difficulty waking up for class and/or work before 2 p.m., but on this fine day I had no problem. The majority of my drive to work is on U.S. Hwy 30, whose speed limit is 65. I usually drive 74, as tickets for < 10 mph over the speed limit usually turn into warnings, and if not, they leave your driving record more quickly. So I'm driving 74 on the interstate, and I see an Iowa State Patrolman pass me going the other way before I have a chance to slow down. Eh, no big deal, I figured. Most cops aren't going to go to the trouble of making a U-ie to pull over someone only going 9 mph over.

So I get off the interstate a bit later and get on the 1/4 mile stretch of road right before I get to work, and I see an Iowa State Patrol car appear behind me, as if from nowhere! Fuck, I thought. Well, maybe he's not after me, his lights aren't on. This was when I was at a stoplight. I carefully (slowly) drove the remaining block to work, wary of this guy. I pull into the parking lot, go to get out of my car, and notice that damned black-and-yellow car behind me again! He's like crabs, I can never get rid of that shit!

But seriously now, he kifes my license, reg., proof of insurance and tells me he pulled me over because I was "going a little fast" and I had no front license plate. Well, I thought, I guess that explains why he turned around to pull me over--I didn't have a front license plate, so I was probably smuggling drugs into an internet service provider from out of state.

He comes back and gives me my shit back, including a warning for speeding and my plates, and he's all "Do you have any illegal weapons, narcotics, marijuana, meth in your car?" Severely affronted that he didn't think I knew what a goddamned narcotic was, I said "No." Then he asks me if he can search my car. I hesitate a bit (big mistake!) and I'm all "Uh, I guess so, but I kinda have to get to work." So he says he needs a straight yes or no, I tell him yes. He asks me if I'll sign a waiver, I say yes, and sign the waiver to search my car.

He then tells me, as soon as I've signed the waiver, that the reason he asked to search my car because my "eyes looked to the left" when he asked me if he could search my car. That made me angry. First, because while *usually* looking up and to the left when someone asks you a question shows that you're creating new neural pathways (creating something = lying), it is by no means true all of the time, and only really works if you ask something like "Where were you yesterday?" where you have to reply with either an existing memory or create a new one. So I think his "probable cause" was more than a little bit shaky. Secondly, if it came to court, there's no way I could remember which fucking way I was looking when a cop was interrogating me and actually make it believable.

I then ask if I can call into work and let them know I'll be a little bit later than I already am (remember that there's no one to do my job already from 12-12:30 and I'm NOT early). The fucking building is like 10 feet away from where me & badge #385 are chillin' out here, but there's no way he's going to let me walk out of his sight when he *knows* I have drugs on me. He tells me it'll only take 5 minutes.

Then he asks to search me. I don't know which way my eyes looked, but I'm guessing he doesn't have any kind of respectable probable cause here, either. I say yes, he asks me if there's anything in my pockets. Well, sir, you just saw me put my driver's license in one of them...so I said "Well, there's my driver's license, cigarettes--" "I mean anything sharp or that would hurt me" he interjects. Man, I would've killed to have an Orgazmo-ray in my pocket right about then. Anyways, there's not, so he does a pretty unskilled pat down. I got busted for poss. at a rave cause they searched me harder than this hack! Anyways.

He tells me to stand in front of his car while he searches mine. I comply, and he gets in shotgun and starts rooting around. I see him grab my 2 bottles of Ephedrine and he comes back and asks me why I have them. I tell him that I work late a lot and they help me stay awake, which is mostly true. It's not like it's possible to make meth with them or anything. So I try to sound more human to him and explain where the gyro stand is located and he tells me he's been there many times. He finishes searching my car, only looking in the passenger side of my front seat.

He says thanks and tells me to go to work and leaves. In retrospect, I really should've hassled him more, as he had absolutely no reason to search my car, and even if I had said no and he still insisted on searching my car, he still would have found nothing and looked like even more of an asshole. I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before, but I hate how law enforcement works in this country. What's fairly ironic about this is that several times in the past few days I've been thinking how everyone says cops in Ames are assholes and I haven't been pulled over for like 2 months. What a great way to start my day.

Hey, check it out--theposp.com is up and working again, although there's no content yet. If you want a good, easy way to get a hold of me, click here and enter my cell #:

By the way, I often wear a bandanna on my head nowadays. This is because I'm too lazy to put gel in my hair every day to make it look pretty and too lazy to get a haircut so I wouldn't need to put gel in it everyday. However, just because I wear a bandanna does not mean I'm a pothead! There are other, better criteria better suited for determining a person's lifestyle.

So, I have also had a fairly intoxicating week/weekend. But more importantly, a lot of good times/memories. And way too much work. I worked 40-50 hours again this week, betwen my 2 jobs, and it sucked a lot. But on to the better stuff...

Tuesday I went to a Bob Dylan show here in Ames. It was billed on the ticket as "Bob Dylan" in big letters, and below that "and his band," which I found amusing. Anyways, paid $25 for the ticket (student discount r0x0rs). When I was buying the ticket Tues. afternoon, I asked the ticket clerk if they were going to search us at the door and she laughed a lot and smiled and asked someone else and told me they would pat me down. I got to the concert and they didn't even touch me! They just told me that cameras weren't allowed. So, that made me kinda happy. But unfortunately, the show wasn't very well publicized and there weren't very many people there. It was a damned good show overall, but he played a lot of his newer stuff and not many of his older classics, unfortunately. I think it's cause he found jesus. Seriously. At the beginning of the show, he was introduced as Bob Dylan who created 60's counterculture and then disappeared into a haze of drug addiction until the 90's when he re-emerged better tha never after having "found jesus." Anyways, I snuck in 2 spliffs under the arch of my foot, and I was scared to smoke them cause there were too few people blocking security's view of me, but I saw many other people smoking and they didn't get busted, so I figured "what the hell?" and did. I think it increased my enjoyment of his warm, raw sound. Anyways, he rocked it nearly as hard as a magickist.

Thursday I was stressin' (I promise, I'll never use that word again) that I wasn't gonna be able to go to Jack's House, a rave with Richard "Humpty" Vission and DJ Irene (two of the most popular house DJs) becaus I had to work. Luckily, an awesome co-worker pulled through at the last minute and i was able to go. I had an awesome time at both the actual event and the afterhours, although the rave itself was not as impressive as others I've been to in the areas of security, lighting, and number of attendees. However, I would say that those 2 are the most popular DJs that I've seen yet. The afterhours kicked so much ass--DJ Irene showed up!--and I smoked way too much for it being 4 a.m. Read my review (relative to other similar raves) here.

Friday and Saturday nights I worked, but I drank butterscotch schnapps + hot cocoa while i was working Saturday, and had a few beers after work, which rocked. And today I smoked and drank.

Totals for Tuesday-Sunday:

Drinks consumed: ~15

Number of resin layers added on my behalf: 7

Papers utilized: 3

PLURriness factor: 3

Needless to say, I consumed more this week than in most weeks in my life. But hey, I had a good time, worked a lot, and now I'm doing the whole homework thing. Go me!

P.S.-Take my quiz!

I just heard a guy on an infomercial say "Life's too short to walk around with pain." I believe he was selling some kind of foot remedy, but when you think about it, that's some pretty good advice. We don't need to dwell on our previous pain. Live today to its fullest and don't let the pain bother you. For me, I fully realize the pain in my life, acknowledging that it will pass. For without pain, what joy would we know? (Is that a quote?)

Anyways, I guess you get a free foot imprint. That's the real moral of this story.

Last night I saw Doeden in campustown, assumedly drinking/drunk. Unfortunately, I was working at the gyro stand and we were pretty busy, so I didn't really get a chance to talk to him.

Oh, by the way--Bree called me about 5 mintues ago from a bus in Washington, D.C. to inform me that she had just been arrested for failure to obey an officer. She was en route to be processed, along with around 500 others. She called cause she may need money to get out of jail. She said she had lots of fun today! (No, I'm serious, she was happy and seemed to be enjoying herself!)

Hey, what's up? Remember me? For all of you not living in Ames and/or well-informed about my life, a brief update:

I live in Ames. My address is:

233 Beedle Dr.

Ames, IA 50014-7609

As far as phones go, I don't have one of those old-fashioned land lines. My cell phone # is the same as it was when I lived in CF; at least for now.

I work at ISUNet, an internet service provider, and also at the gyro stand, which is, well, a street stand that sells gyros on Welch Ave. in campustown. This means I help people solve their internet problems over the phone and I sell food to drunk people. Right now I'm just taking one class, Com Sci 228.

This past week, I worked 49.5 hours between both jobs, and attended none of my classes :( 29 of those hours were worked between noon Friday and 4 p.m. Sunday, meaning I slept very little this weekend but I also managed to write a C++ class in 2 hours with no bugs at all! :D

Smallz - Mucho appreciation for the letter; I'm in the process of writing you back right now. Interesting tidbit--4 out of 9 people that work at the gyro stand are huge Modest Mouse fans. I'm not sure if this is even the same genre, but they're also really into Bright Eyes, Despercidos(sp?), and The Faint. So, uh, like you should check them out too...or something.

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